Amanda Kloots on writing her successful memoir, “Live Your Life: My Story of Loving and Losing Nick Cordero”

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I will say that it really is not my personality, to take the woe to me approach. Were there times when I would yell at my parents, like, “I don’t understand why this is happening. It is not fair ! Yes of course I did. But honestly, it was rare.

One of the beautiful things about the book has been seeing the community that has formed around you. At the worst time of your life, it seems like you’ve seen the best of mankind.

Yes. It was constantly this juxtaposition. My brother, sister and I would never decide to live together for three weeks, but now the three of us have this amazing bond. We have memories that we still chuckle about, and yet we were literally going through the worst times. He’s so weird. I remember that while writing this book, Anna and I were writing about the recreation of the Three men and a baby poster and honestly wishing we could go back in time and live some of those days. And we would look at each other and say, “This is crazy. How can you want to go back and relive those days, even though seconds later we got a call from the hospital and then took you to the hospital to be with Nick? But it was – it is life, you know?

As this horrible experience unfolded, people got to know you and your career blossomed. Professionally, you thrive after one of the most unimaginable things in your life. Is this strange?

It really is a strange thing if you really let yourself go down this road. I had a lot of dreams and goals for myself, in terms of my career. I never thought a talk show would be one of them, but you’ve been living in New York for 19 years. I did movies, I did TV, I filmed pilots. I have done television shows in the morning over and over again. Being in front of a camera is nothing. When The speech came my way, the first day I wasn’t even really nervous. I never felt like it wasn’t something I had worked on all my life. I am not here because my husband is dead.

You did Dance with the stars this book, The speech– did it help you to have so much to do?

The speech gave me a place to go, a family that I was a part of every day. It gave me the opportunity to dress up and have an adult conversation for an hour, which when you live alone with a two year old you don’t get. It was a saving grace. Dancing with the stars, my God, to allow myself hours a day to dance again, I found that part of myself that was in New York, playing in shows. Believe me, there’s a part of me that’s like, “Oh, my God, Amanda, do you keep yourself so busy that you don’t have to face tough times of grief? But one thing I learned about grief is that we all treat it differently. In my opinion, it’s a daily battle for how to stay happy, how to stay positive, and how to keep moving forward because I know that’s what Nick would like me to do. I know he would want me to grow up and fly and be successful and try to dream and love. This is who he was.

This interview has been edited and condensed.


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